Hello People

Hello People - Hallo Leute

I am not sure why this story is making me feel like I need to write a blog post - but it is...

So today, Lilith Magazine posted a story that was written in the Atlantic.  It was all about people using the term, " Hey Guys!" and how it is wrong and non-inclusive.

This was one of my mom's pet peeves. If anyone addressed her like that - she would pretend she didn't hear them or she would give them a lesson!  At times, even as a grown woman, I would slink behind her or under a seat to hide in embarrassment. Since we all lived together and did most everything as a bigger family unit - this came up a lot. Restaurants, stores, passing friends and even doctor's appointments. Sometimes, she would take someone aside and talk sweetly to them - whether they wanted the advice or not. Sometimes, she was loud in public to make her point. (Don't ask about the times she would theatrically, look down her shirt and then look at the person and say - "Nope, not a guy."   Just thinking back at times, I cringe.

And yet, I bet most of you have never heard us (or rarely a slip) say, "Hey Guys or You Guys!"

And there are the times, ok not so much in Zürich, but in the states when someone says it to us, we all kind of look at each other, with the unease of what to do? It is like we are waiting for my mom to take care of the situation for us.

It wasn't until after my mom passed, that I realized just how right  she was about the saying. Perhaps, she wasn't fighting it for the full reasons in the article, but I think in general it was the fact that she hated to be called something she wasn't. And who does like that?  No one!

Putting all the dramatic performances aside, she was right.

As some of you know - my parents passed within months of each other. It was a rough time. Both had been sick and had some of the same doctors. My parents were characters and the doctors knew them well. One doctor, saw me in the hallway taking a break from my dad's hospital room. He came over and sat with me. He told me how much he cared for both of them and how he missed my mom's stories. But, his best story - was about how early in their "relationship" my mom scolded him for saying "You Guys." This grown man told me - he felt like he was a six year old getting a lecture. He said he could barely look up he was so taken aback and embarrassed. But, he said it was because of her - he never called anyone that again.  And he thinks about it as he teaches his children and when he is with his patients.

So perhaps, if nothing else, at least one doctor has changed for the better. He rethinks his wording, in particular during some  of the most painfully, intimate and harrowing times- when the end of life is near.

This article made it clearer to me that I need to make sure I remind folks (and myself) to be aware that words hurt - intentionally or unintentionally they can hurt.

And once again, my mother was right. (And, yes, I am rolling my eyes).